One Year

Admittedly, I've written a lot of retrospective/review type of pieces here, but I believe it's time for another one. Today marks the one year anniversary of my arrival at Amor Ministries. My journey actually began a couple of weeks earlier, when I left Warrenton, VA on April 29, 2010. When I made the decision to come out here and be a part of Amor as a year-long intern, I certainly thought that this year would shape me tremendously. Even with the extremely high hopes I had, my experience has proven to completely exceed any of my expectations. The following are some things that I did not anticipate getting out of this year that I am so thankful for.

A Job

I've covered this a number of times, but I came out to San Diego to become a year-long intern with no particular prospects for what I would be doing in the future. The only certainty I felt was the distinct unlikelihood that I would ever return to accounting or finance. The idea of participating in an internship to merely start over at the end of a year was pretty intimidating. I had no idea whether I would go back to school or whether God might provide something else through Amor. The quick connections I made with people at Amor and happiness I felt in my position made the uncertainty I was expecting even tougher to swallow. I made the decision to trust God in this time, but I still felt a bit of stress. Thankfully, it only took a few months before I was given the opportunity to interview for a full time position with Amor. I really cannot imagine that I should be anywhere else in the world right now. I am learning to serve and love God by serving and loving people at a level I would have previously thought myself incapable of reaching. My job has had a huge part in shaping the man I am and has solidified the fact that I have a heart for missions. I suspect I will be doing missions work for a long time to come and I am so excited about learning to do it better and better.

Community

I have fallen into a really great group of people here that consistently humbles me. My friends constantly show that their greatest desires are to grow with God and serve each other. It seems that every other week we find some reason to get together and celebrate each other. Whether it be a birthday party, a new job, a going away party, a coming home party or something else, we are constantly celebrating God and each other. It kind of makes me think of the concept of jubilee. Just the other day, one of my coworkers was describing missions work and the desire to serve as being akin to those moments when you sit with friends and have no desire but to linger and make the night longer. Last night, I had the privilege of sitting at a table and enjoying dinner with some wonderful people and having the blessing of dreading the end of the night. As I think about those people I sat at that table with, I feel love, respect, adoration or some combination of those sentiments for every person there. I am also thankful for the role that they have all played in my life and the fact that they have helped make me an all around better human being to be around.

Learning To Be By Myself

It's strange that during a time when I have gotten to appreciate so much community I have learned a lot about being alone, but several things have conspired to teach me this lesson. First, was the end of an intimate relationship of nearly nine years. No matter how much or how little you share or how much or how little support you give and receive, there is a comfort of knowing that if nothing else, one person will always be there. I had that support, nearly uninterrupted from the age of eighteen until twenty-seven. While I appreciate all of the good that came of such a relationship, I was able to learn a lot by losing it. I now know that I don't have to share everything in my life with someone else in order to enjoy it. Sometimes the fact that God's given it to me is enough. Whether it be a beautiful, starry night, a sunset or a fleeting moment of revelation, there is a lot that can belong to just me and God. My job has also helped teach me this lesson. While I have worked with some of my best friends, I have also been forced to go into some pretty tough spots on my own. In these moments, I have learned a lot about the resolve and strength that I can lean on God to provide. This confidence and comfort is a marked difference from my cross country trip that I spent much of feeling disappointed and lonely despite awesome experiences. I just had a tough time fully appreciating them on my own. Now I know that I can experience joy by myself and with God. I know that in the future as I get to share more of these moments, the joy will be that much more grandiose, because I was able to fully feel it on my own.

Joy in Sadness

You don't have to be happy to be joyful. I've met some pretty large challenges this year and some pretty significant disappointments. I've left home, left my dog, lost relationships, dealt with my mother's sickness, broken bikes, worked hard to have expectations unmet and sometimes been alone. These disappointments have invariably left me unhappy to some degree. I have also been identified as a person who's emotional responses resemble spaghetti fare more than a waffle (I don't compartmentalize, I let everything get tangled together). Despite my initial and expansive emotional responses, I am able to find joy because I learned that each and everyone of these experiences is shaping me into a man more capable of following Christ and serving others. It is a very strange place to be able to feel sorrowful and joyful at the same time, but I have found it to be a very healthy place. When I am comfortable, I rarely grow. It's the times I have something to battle, something to find or something to accomplish that I learn.

Mumford & Sons

At least half a dozen people that are reading this are either rolling their eyes, throwing up on their keyboard, or both. That's fine, Mumford wasn't going to be a part of this post at all, but as I cued them up on my iphone while typing, it occurred to me that I never would have expected to find music that would mean this much to me this year, so they meet the criteria to be mentioned. Unfortunately, Mumford made it on the radio initially with a song that exhorted "I really f---ed it up this time, didn't I my dear‽" If you listen beyond these lyrics, these guys have a lot going on. Since I was introduced to them in earnest in October, they have been the soundtrack for my life. They consistently deal with faith, loss, grace and love in a very insightful manner. Over and over again, they manage to describe a redemptive, restorative, lasting love, one that my beliefs dictate comes from God. Their music is not in a hymnal and I don't know what their intent was when they wrote and recorded it, but I can truly worship to much of it. I will still see them live one day and it will be superawesomewonderfulradmagnificentincrediblefantastic. If you do not have Sigh No More by Mumford & Sons, buy it immediately and listen to it immediately after that. Don't listen to the song with the f-word though. This is a family friendly site and I will not support that.

A Tattoo

Intimacy

When I came out to San Diego, I left all of the people that knew me best. Those people have not been replaced, but a lot have been added to their numbers. I thought that it would take a long time until I met people that I could trust and be intimate with. Perhaps it was the challenges inherent in my move and the openness with which I shared them but I have several incredible people that really know me well who I can share anything with. The most recent lesson I have had to learn now is that although I can share anything with my friends and family, I shouldn't share everything. Regardless, reaching new levels of honesty, grace and accountability with those around me has been a really awesome gift.

Patience

I have learned a lot of different types of patience this year, but waiting on God is a good things. It seems he's always on time.

I am so thankful for the year I have had and that this experience is not over. At the beginning, this seemed like a sort of year long experiment that would probably change me, but possibly drop me right back where I was to begin with. Instead, the adventure continues. I get to remain with Amor and remain in San Diego. I can only pray that this coming year will be as formative as the one I just experienced.

Thanks for reading along with me so far. It's been great to share my experiences with everyone who keeps up with me here. I have received comments, e-mails, texts, phone calls and facebook messages from people I never would have expected thanks to the fact that I express myself through this medium. The heart of my desire to write this blog is all about this kind of communication. It's fun to be entertaining and it's nice to get things off my chest sometimes, but the fact that this is a vessel to share in mutual experiences and help each other through life is the best part. I'm getting a little more consistent in writing again, and given that, I would like to ask some favors of everyone that reads here.

1. Become a follower and leave comments. Most people have a google account and this is fairly easy to do with your account. Commenting is awesome. It lets me know you guys are reading and that you care and let's me talk to you directly via the blog.

2. If you think this thing is worth reading, tell some more people about it. I'd love to share my experiences with as many people as possible.

3. Link this site via facebook or any other networking tools you use. Again, I'd love to spread the word more.

4. Donate some money at www.amor.org. Two of our biggest needs are staff support and our equipment fund (we need some new vehicles and trailers). For staff support, make sure you get my name in the comments so that I can get lots of credit for all the people that will donate at my encouragement. If you'd like to donate to the equipment fund (this would be great, because we are getting a to point where we really need some newer, safer vehicles), shoot me an e-mail and let me know your interest. I'm not asking for a lot from anyone. Just think about how much this blog has been worth to you in the past year, if that's only a dime, then donate a dime.

5. Keep reading.

6. Pray for Amor, my family and me. That's really what this thing is all about. I came out here to be part of an incredible ministry. Please pray that we keep doing what we are doing according to God's will. My Mom is doing well right now, but things are always changing and she's still got a tough battle. I am a total work in progress and pray that I can just keep getting better for all the people around me. Thanks.

7. Watch these videos:










Adelante!

-Clint