Double Down

Blah Blah, anecdote about how I have to double down on my focus to accomplish everything that needs to be done before I leave Virginia, blah blah blah. That's not what this post is about. This post is about this double down.

If you didn't click on the above link (really? It's so easy! C'mon, just do it), then you will need a brief description of the double down. Some would argue that the double down represents everything that is wrong with America. I would argue that it represents our freedom to sandwich bacon, two types of cheese and a mayonaise based sauce between two pieces of hormone enhanced fried chicken. If that freedom is wrong, I honestly just don't want to be right.

I have been taught throughout my life that my body is a temple and I believe this to be true, but every now and then even a temple allows a dirty lumberjack covered in mud and sweat to come on in. I resisted the temptation that is the double down for two weeks since it's release. Today, the double down would absolutely become my dirty, sweaty lumberjack.

After making my decision to try the double down today, it was time to visit the friendliest, fastest fast food restaurant in Warrenton, KFC (Just kidding, if I really wanted to go to a fast friendly place, I would have gone to Chick-fil-a, but regretably, it was Sunday and Chick-fil-a does not serve the double down). The fact that the staff at this particular KFC was both slow and impolite did little to hamper my excitement over my foray into heart attack inducing cuisine. Although the wait and the interaction at the drive thru were not encouraging, once I was handed the bag, the true double down experience began in earnest. The bag I was handed held two double downs (one for me and one for my girlfriend Sarah, you will pity her throughout the rest of this post) and I was immediately struck by both it's weight and greasiness. Arriving at Sarah's and opening the bag continued to impress. First, there was the box containing the sandwich and bearing the image of an American patriot, the Colonel:

(Look at his wee beedy Eyes, "You will eat my chicken")

One look into the Colonel's eyes confirmed what I already knew in my heart: I had passed the point of no return. I would, in fact, eat his chicken.

(I am the double down. Fear me, for I will both burn you and clog your arteries)

Inside the box, I found my my sandwhich clearly labeled. In it's extreme font, it screamed at me, "I am the double down, devour me! But use caution as you do so for I am hot." As if this monstrosity needed an introduction:

(Double down, the sandwich so packed with protein there is no room for bread. Are you sure you want to do this?)

I was absolutely sure I wanted to do this, but to give you an idea of how this sandwich appears next to an actual person, I will show someone who was not sure they wanted to do this, Sarah:

(Earlier today I asked Clint two questions, "What do you want to eat?" and "Why am I not in your blog yet?" I immediately regret this decision)

Right now, I am publishing embarassing photographs of Sarah on my blog, I have a feeling I will immediately regret this decision. Here is Sarah taking her first bite of her double down:

(Nom. Nom. Nom.)

Here's a shot of my double down after my first bite:

(Was that first bite delicious?)

Why yes it was, double down, thank you for asking. While the double down did have it's shortcomings, there was no denying, this was a tasty morsel. It was a lot to handle, though. Sarah soon had to give up.

(Double down, you have defeated me, I am sad)

The double down had defeated Sarah, but no such tragedy would befall me:

(Is that all you've got, double down?)

I eliminated my double down with extreme prejudice. Incidently, I was able to finish Sarah's "sandwich" as well.

The Aftermath

The double down was much of what I expected, but was not a life altering meal. I enjoyed it once, but doubt I will be selecting it from the KFC menu again. Here are a few arbitrary characteristics I decided to rate it on on a scale of five.

Intimidation: 5.2

Deliciousness: 3.1

Greasiness: 4.7

Assurance that the cheese was actually cheese and not some other strange substance: .9

Thanks for having fun with me today. I had two comments on my blog this week. One was that people would like pictures and another friend said he would only continue to read it if it continued to be funny. I hope I filled both my picture and hilarity quotas.

-Clint