Momma Barnes Update

This has been an awesome Thanksgiving season. One that has continually reminded me how much I have to be thankful for. I have intended to write a post on this subject since Friday, but it has been an extremely crazy week, and I kind of exhausted myself typing out an e-mail that is very important to me.

For those of you that don't know, my mother was diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia back in 2007. She received chemo and the cancer went into remission, but it recently came back. It looked like Mom was going to continue to be treated with chemo in hopes of sending the CLL back into remission. Last Wednesday, we visited Johns Hopkins for a second opinion. We received new information and were given a course of action that warranted sharing with our family and friends. The following is the e-mail that resulted as an attempt to get the infomation out. This is what I would like to share for now. If this is new information for you, I am glad that I was able to share it in some way. If you have already received the e-mail, it would be great if you took another look just the same. Thanks, everyone. You are incredible.

Friends,

First off, I want to thank all of you for your thoughts and prayers concerning my Mother and her health. I know that whether you've met her or not, there are many of you who love and appreciate her for a mutitude of reasons, all well deserved. I deeply appreciate your thoughts and concern, it's awesome to know that all of you are there.

This past Wednesday, we had an appointment at the Johns Hopkins cancer center in hopes that we could get some more clarity as to what is going on with my Mother's CLL. Rather than focusing on treating symptoms, the doctor at Johns Hopkins focused on specific genetic indicators in identifying the seriousness of my Mother's cancer. Two things came out of this. First, he was able to describe my Mother's condition with more specificity than we had previously been given, while identifying a very focused course of action with curative intent. This is a massive answer to prayer for us. Until now, doctors have been content to treat symptoms and use chemo as a "band-aid" to keep Mom in the best health possible (and yes, it does seem counterintuitive to poison someone in an attempt to keep them healthy). Unfortunately, this end to the fog and frustration we have been in did not come without it's downside. The second bit of information we got out of our meeting at JH is that Mom's condition is more serious than we had believed and, as a corollary, her need for treatment is also more immmediate than we expected.

Mom will be receiving a bone marrow transplant in the very near future. On Wednesday, she gave a bone marrow biopsy which will be evaluated by the middle of next week. In addition, it is likely that Tyler, Jason or myself will be the donor for the transplant, so we are all submitting our blood to be evaluated. The condition of Mom's bone marrow along with matching one of us with her seem to be the two variables in the timing of the transplant, but it would appear we are looking at a January date. The bone marrow transplant is a procedure that the doctors at Johns Hopkins are executing with curative intent, meaning if it is successful Mom will be cancer free. According to the doctor we met with, bone marrow transplants will successfully eliminate Mom's type of cancer 50-60% of the time and there is a 15% mortality rate. In the remaining patients, the transplant is successful, but the new bone marrow is still incapable of fighting off the CLL.

A bone marrow transplant essentially leaves the patient temporarily without an immune system, making the patient extremely susceptible to sickness and infection. For this reason, it is performed as an outpatient procedure, but mom will need to remain in Baltimore for approximately 60 days following. This will be an extremely challenging time as we look after her, take care of Matthew and still take care of everything else that happens to get thrown our way.

Mom is tough, optimistic and graceful as always. She has spent the days since our meeting preparing our house for a massive Thanksgiving gathering, hosting guests and looking after her visiting sons. She is an incredible woman and a servant, but I have never known her to be anything different. She has the utmost faith that God is in control both in her life and in the lives of everyone in our family. For this reason, I will end this e-mail the way I think she would like, with a list of prayer requests, having faith that you all will bring this to the One in charge. This list is comprised of items that came into my head, please feel free to add some as your wisdom or insight dictates.

1. That God's will be done through this situation and he use Mom for his greater purpose.
2. That her full recovery be part of His purpose.
3. That my Mother will continue to be as graceful, faithful and trusting as always (Not that I believe this will be an issue in the slightest).
4. Wisdom for the doctors involved, and our family and that we may have wisdom and discernment and trust God throughout this process.
5. Matthew - My 14 year old autistic brother will miss his mom during this process and it will be important that he receives the care he needs.
6. For my Dad - since coming to MHS, mom and dad have worked and lived together and have grown even closer. This will be a trying time for him.
7. Jason and Caitlin - My brother Jason and his fiancee Caitlin had scheduled a mid March Wedding and are now finding it necessary to reevaluate this date. Pray that any planning that has now become necessary will not tax them too much and that their day is incredible, as I know it will be.
8. Tyler - He's currently in his junior year at West Point. It's a busy, demanding school where he has a lot on his plate. It will be a lot to ask for him to stay focused while he is away from the family at school.
9. Me - I've found an awesome community and home - 3,500 miles away. I'm going to have to make some choices and be away from a support network that has proven invaluable to me while I am with my family. I need to keep focus and perspective.
10. For the MHS girls that will be without their House Mom while mom is away.
11. For all of the millions of little details that are going to pop up in the near future: From timing issues to the help we'll need to financial stuff. I'm sure the details and decisions will be endless.
12. For every other family that is going through something similar to this, you won't have to look far to find someone else.

I want to thank you all for being a valuable part of my life and people that I can bring all of this to. For those of you that believe prayer is valuable, please keep Mom in mind. For those of you that don't, I'd ask you to give it a try for us just the same. I have complete faith that God will use this situation to further his plans in all of our lives, and that He will bring you all in whenever there is a need to be filled. Please feel free to forward this message to anyone you would like. There are dozens of people that I simply do not have e-mail addresses for, but would love to send this to. Thank you. God Bless.

Thanks for taking the time to read this today. I'll be back with a standard post soon. I hope you all enjoyed your holidays. Just because Thanksgiving is over doesn't mean you should stop giving thanks for all you have. I know I won't.

Adelante!

-Clint

Beard Update: Like a Phoenix Rising From the Ashes . . .

This post is about a month and a half behind. Most of you probably already know that I shaved my unruly beard. That said, I had this post partially written, had fun with it and I am on vacation. So, I added some stuff, did some editing and here it is for your enjoyment.

The Beginning

As many of you know, I started growing an awesome beard several months back. My initial goal was to grow Big Lebowski style facial hair, so it started with a goatee way back in June. For a period of about two months, I dutifully maintained and developed the goatee for which I was aspiring. One night as I sat watching the the inspiration for my mangy appearance, my friends and I concurred that I had not only met, but exceeded the length and fullness of Jeffrey Lebowski's famous mane. I had met my goal, but I was not yet finished.

Beauty

You see, there is something about a man growing a beard. A man with a fierce beard is a master of his own destiny. He is wild, he is dangerous and most of all, he is free. I would submit that I am all three of these things regardless of the status of my facial hair. Despite this fact, there is something incredible about asserting yourself through such a magnificent physical statement. For numerous reasons including the sheer manliness I felt, I decided to continue my journey. From this point forward, I ceased shaving altogether, apart from an occasional neck trim. Over time, my unruly goatee morphed into a full on lumberjack man beard.

There were numerous encouragements and challenges throughout both stages of my facial hair growth. Often, when I would come back from the field clad in a bandana other Amor staff would comment that I resembled a Mexican pirate. I didn't know whether to consider this encouragement or discouragement. I took it as the former. This was tempered with constant and insistent claims from the female staff that the beard was a very bad look for me. Perhaps part of the problem was that I hadn't cut my hair since April as well. Regardless, I was reminded again and again just how undesirable I appeared. I was even offered free haircuts. At the opposite end of the spectrum were many men. I consistently work with high school and college boys who were nearly always impressed with my facial hair. Drew, my roommate, and my brothers both provided ample encouragement as well. Whether it be a limitation in hair growing capability, discouragement from significant others, or job requirements, there is a large contingent of men who wish they could grow a beard but are disallowed by their circumstances. These poor souls rejoiced and congratulated me in my accomplishment of growing a Leonidas-like beard.

The Death

The strength of their desires and longing were often enough to get me through the days when I believed I had enough. There were days when I was tired of looking like a yeti and simply wanted to be like everyone else. To be honest, looking in the mirror every day and seeing a dirty, beardy, balding, unkempt man can start to reak havoc on your self esteem. Finally, there was eating. I frequently found that whatever beverage I was enjoying would roll down my beard and on to my shirt. Additionally, food would often get caught in my beard. The worst offender was s'mores. The gooey warm, marshmallowy goodness would frequently get stuck in my beard. Marshmallow is hard to get out of beards and this grew to damper my love of s'mores. This was the final straw for the beard.

Finally, the day came. It was not without great remorse and sadness that I removed my triumphant mane, but the time had come. It had simply outgrown me. It felt that my face just could not support it's grandiousity. On a Saturday, I had my very own episode of Queer Eye for the Beard Guy. I started by getting my haircut and then decided to send my beard out in style, on a stage by stage basis:

This was me before any haircutting or beard trimming. I know the massive growth on my face and the receding hairline look awesome. Ladies, please restrain yourselves.

This was the haircut with full beard stage. To be honest, I kind of liked this one. The haircut did a lot to clean up my appearance. I would have like to keep this one going for awhile, but the decision had already been made.

I'm just going to give a shout out to Marcus for being the inspiration behind this dandy. That is all.

I'm going for the long haul trucker look here. I have proven before that I can drive 26 hours straight. I think the fact that I can pull this look off validates that I have a future if things at Amor don't work out.

Years ago, I used to watch a thouroughly entertaining show called American Chopper. I'm sure plenty of you know it. This is my shout out to Paul Teutul, Sr.

Creeper 'stache. A reminder of another character from The Big Lebowski.

The Charlie Chaplin. Film was so much better before talkies came around and they all started relying on fancy stuff like dialogue.

It seems sort of meager and pathetic here, but this is the sum total of my beard, after it's removal from my face.

The Beard is a time I will always look back upon with great fondness. It is strange to know that although I still have plenty of of opportunities to grow unattractive facial hair, there is a strong chance I will never again reach the fullness shown above. Beard updates will still continue when warranted, and I will be back for another post whenever I feel motivated. I'm on vacation!

Adelante!

-Clint

Penasco Part 3

I'm currently on my third trip to Puerto Penasco, Mexico, after my time in San Carlos. This week is proving to be yet another one that gets me out of my comfort zone, but teaches me a lot. Despite challenges, I am yet again being affirmed that I am in the right place in my life right now.

For those of you that are wondering about the Meza family, Juanita is still carrying the baby and her surgery has been moved back to later this month. Keep them in your prayers!

I am getting increasingly excited about my fast approaching trip back to the east coast. It looks like it will be a whirlwind of a two weeks, with stops in Hershey, PA, Warrenton, VA, Blacksburg, VA, Richmond, VA, Charlottesville, VA and maybe a couple other spots if I can stop my head from spinning. I'll be out from November 18-December 4, so please get in touch if you are in or near any of the afforementioned towns. I miss so many friends and family and I know there is no way I will be able to see them all, but I am hoping to maximize my time and opportunity to visit with people as much as possible.

One big thing that will be happening while I'm in the midatlantic will be a baptism. Mine! My parents will be baptising me in the Rappahannock River outside of Warrenton on November 21, in the afternoon. I know I will probably go into hypothermia but am so excited for this opportunity. I want to go ahead and thank my parents ahead of time for entering hypothermia with me, along with everyone that is helping to make this happen while I am busy in Mexico. If you will be anywhere near Warrenton on this date, please come out. I would love to see you there.

Thanks again for tuning in, I hope to have a post with a little more substance up in the next week.

Adelante!

-Clint

San Carlos

I've been in the field here and there recently, but it's been awhile since I was on a nice, long stretch. There's something different about being out for a couple of weeks as opposed to a couple days. You have to mentally prepare yourself and get into a different mode. When I go into Mexico for a couple of days, it really just feels sort of like a trip to the office. It's those long trips that truly make me feel like an Amor field specialist. For this reason, I have been extremely excited leading up to the trip I am currently on. Last Monday, I drove out to Globe, AZ, our home base when we are building homes in San Carlos. Tomorrow, I will be driving from here to Puerto Penasco, where I will remain until the 16th. Getting out here has been extremely refreshing, but has also taken me out of my comfort zone.

We're not in Kansas Anymore

About the only things that are the same here as when I build in Mexico are that I help build a house and I wear a blue shirt. The culture, style of home and relationship that I have with my groups have been radically different during this trip. I am always interested in adventure and doing something new, but it has been frustrating at times to have my normal routines interrupted. Perhaps the most trying part of a situation like this is trying to be as effective in our ministry as possible. When I struggle to figure out what I am doing, it makes it difficult to serve my groups to the best of my ability. In addition, my understanding of the Apache culture doesn't come near my understanding of the Mexican culture, which makes it hard to facilitate the cross cultural bonding I love to see on these trips.

There have been some awesome highlights during my time in San Carlos. First, it is absolutely beautiful here. Pine covered mountains loom over the desert landscape. Our camp has a small ridge directly above it which is perfect for observing the sunset here.

(I know it's unfair that this is how my work day ends.)

Next, we had a great group of guys out here this week. Altogether we had seven Amor staff and the men on this trip nearly all have a few years on me. It was an excellent time for me to learn from others' experience and maturity both in my work life and my personal life. Despite it's challenges, it has also been very interesting to be part of a different type of house build. The homes that we build in Mexico are very basic two room shelters. The homes we are building in San Carlos feature two bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen and a bathroom. We are even plumbing and running electricity in them. It's pretty impressive to see the scope of these projects. Finally, I have gotten an opportunity to at least be introduced to the Apache culture. It seems the Apaches are more reserved, but they are very warm nonetheless. I also had the opportunity to try some of the local cuisine, including frybread and Apache burgers.

(The Maize family prepares Apache frybread for us. It is exactly as it sounds. Fried bread. Delicious.)

(This is an Apache Burger. Two patties with all the fixins wrapped in frybread. I know that sounds like a lot to handle, but the most disconcerting thing about it was it's blurriness. I have a feeling I will revisit Apache Burgers in another post.)

Despite some awesome things that I have learned about the culture, life is extremely difficult on The Rez (This is how many refer to the San Carlos Reservation). Unemployment is hovering in the 75-77% range. Alcohol and drug abuse run rampant. Teenage pregnancy also seems to be extremely high. These facts are really just the beginning of the problems on The Rez. There have been a lot of things rolling through my mind as a result of my exposure to the area. My understanding of the history of the west and all it's repercussions is certainly lacking, but I can't help but get uneasy when I consider that past U.S. policy has helped contribute to some of the destructive patterns on The Rez. It's hard for me to understand it all, but I can come to one solid conclusion: There is a desperate need here and I am glad that Amor has come here to help serve it. I am extremely thankful that I have gotten to be a part of this effort. I am looking forward to coming back in the future so that I may become more intimate with the projects and problems here and better serve my brothers and sisters here.

(An example of an Amor home in San Carlos.)

Adelante!

-Clint

November

I saw this sign affixed to a fence surrounding a school or community center in a local neighborhood. I love how simple and straightforward it is. The thing that strikes me is that there is an action word in this definition of community. Simply existing around each other does not constitute a true community. Interacting with and caring for those around you indicates real community. I am blessed to have found an awesome community to be a part of here. I hope to share some more detailed thoughts on community with you in the not too distant future.

Life has gotten away from me lately. As a result, so has this blog. Right now I am getting ready to leave San Diego for pretty much all of November. Essentially, I will be doing field work with Amor for the first two weeks and then I will be visiting home for the second two. This is going to be an incredibly exciting time as we will be very busy in the field and it will feel much like our summer months. In addition, I will get to FINALLY visit home and catch back up with family and friends. I am excited to chronicle my experiences this month, but know I will be strapped for time and internet access much of the time. Stay tuned and see how it goes. Right now, I gotta finish getting ready.

Adelante!

-Clint

Disparities

Some weeks in the field I learn and see more than others. Last week in Puerto Penasco was certainly an example of one of those weeks. The group and family that I worked with were both incredible. I got to know some of my Amor friends and coworkers better. I got the tiniest bit more proficient at Spanish. And the desert sunrises and sunsets were incredible. It's hard to remember and keep track of everything that went through my head and heart during the week, but I have at least one more solid lesson to share following it.

Resort Town?

Many of the people for whom we build homes in Penasco are amongst the poorest we serve. As I mentioned in my previous post, the Flores Meza family's income was just $56 a week. Part of what makes this so unbelievable is what Penasco and neighboring Las Conchas have become to American visitors. Because of the beautiful desert, dunes and ocean, this area has become a very popular vacation spot for Americans. It's convenience is a big part of it's popularity, as it sits just over an hour from the border and within several hours of Phoenix. Over the last 20 years, luxury resorts and condos have sprung up in parts of Penasco (Rocky Point to many Americans) and Las Conchas. Whenever I travel highway 8, the main pipeline in and out of Penasco, I am struck by the fact that I lead missionaries with shovels and tools in their vehicles as we are surrounded RV's carrying 4-wheelers and other toys.

In truth, many of the people who visit Penasco on vacation have no idea just how bad things are in the areas that they don't frequent. I observed the shock on the faces of people who have vacationed in the area and never knew the extent of the poverty around them. Despite the fact that ignorance is bliss, I have found myself frustrated and in judgment of the people who visit Penasco for extravagant fun while such dire need exists there. The disparity between Americans with money to spare and the homeless Mexicans within miles has been too much for me to stand at moments.

Personal Reflection

Whenever I find myself in a position casting judgment on others, I try to take a step back for a more objective point of view. One of my favorite things to do is think about Jesus when a mob brought an adulteress to him and demanded that she be stoned. In this story, Jesus bends down to write something on the ground while everyone waits for his response. What he wrote is not revealed in scripture. It is my thought that the reason we don't find out what Jesus wrote is because it is irrelevant to the reaction of the crowd. What is relevant is that he gave them time. Time to consider the hypocrisy of their outrage and demands.

I gave myself a few moments of pause this week to reflect on the way I have judged those that don't understand or help what is going on in Penasco. I immediately looked to my living situation. Two things struck me. My lifestyle is not as comfortable as it once was, but globally speaking, I am living high on the hog. I eat well everyday, have far more clothes than I need, have far more bikes than I need and drive a car that is way beyond my needs. All this while I live 20 miles from Tijuana, a place where people often struggle to get a roof over their head and clean water to drink. If I look even closer, I live in an extremely diverse and impoverished area of San Diego. My apartment is on the border of City Heights and according to geographic information collected in 2005, the median household income was $19,393. The average household at that time consisted of five family members. That's just $3,879 a year for each person to survive on.

As I look at everything that Americans are missing as they pass through Penasco everyday, I also have to consider all of the needs as I am a passerby in my own neighborhood. Life is complicated and full of distractions, some worth pursuing and others not. Our lives and perception of our own needs certainly get in the way of helping those around us. As Jesus calmly draws in the sand and waits for me, I need to look inside, take stock and come to a better understanding of my true needs. Excising some of the wants that I believe to be necessities in my life can certainly put me in position to better serve those around me. I know that this will be a process and I know that I'm not ready to give up many of the things I should. Despite how daunting and discouraging striving toward these goals can be, I know where I can start.

I am going to put down my stone.

Adelante!

-Clint

Giving More

This past week, I traveled to Puerto Penasco, Mexico to meet a group from Arizona and build a house for another needy family. I arrived a day before the group and took some time to preview the site where we would be building. Upon my visit, I discovered a very friendly family eagerly awaiting a home. The Flores Meza family consisted of Oscar, his pregnant wife Juanita and their three beautiful daughters. They immediately struck me as loving and welcoming. It was great to learn that we would be building for such wonderful people over the coming days.

The next day, I got to meet the group I would be assisting with the construction of the new home. I brought them over the Arizona border with the help of a close Mexican Amor friend, Jorge, and they accompanied me south to Penasco. The group spanned from three middle school aged boys up to adults, including the pastor of their church and his wife, a youth leader. The group was very excited to work with us, as they had missed their yearly trip in 2009 and it was their first time in Penasco. It was great to have such an enthusiastic crew for the week. Starting from the first day, their commitment to the family was apparent. We were up at sunrise (a little earlier than I am used to, to be sure) the next day and quickly at work. This would start a pattern for the rest of the week, affording me the incredible opportunity to see the desert sunrise and sunset nearly every day. While the group did a wonderful job of being extremely productive, they were also very interactive with the family and surrounding community. Neighbors came to help with the build and the group welcomed them and put them to work. Watching the cross cultural bonding and cooperation was incredible.

(The sun sets in the desert. Incredible. I wish you could have been there.)

I learned an important lesson as help came from throughout the neighborhood. I was working on installing a door in the home when a young boy named Jesus started shadowing me. Jesus had been around the site helping with various tasks, but I knew that installing a door might be a little complicated for a boy his age. My initial impulse was to politely point him in another direction so that I could focus on my work. Fortunately, I resisted this temptation. Instead, I did my best to teach him to install some hinges through actions and gestures (My Spanish is atrocious). This was when Jesus started to teach me a lesson. This was not a boy who simply wanted some action without concern for the quality of his work. As I let him take on more and more responsibility, he diligently copied everything I showed him, even including some of my unnecessary idiosyncracies. This also gave me an opportunity to step away and share some of my story with the pastor I was working with. I also came to realize one more thing. I will meet a lot of boys much like Jesus during my tenure with Amor. Such an incredible experience has become day to day for me. His experience, on the other hand, was likely once or twice in a lifetime. The example our group set will cause many ripples in the life of Jesus and others. I'm thankful God took those tools out of my hand and placed them in those of Jesus.

An event that I would consider a miracle happened this past week as well. One of the leaders of our group was nearly fluent in Spanish and was able to communicate very well with the family to find out more about them. She eventually engaged Juanita in a conversation about her pregnancy. It turns out that she is about eight months pregnant, but is having some complications. The baby is currently sitting breach with the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck. For this reason, her doctors wanted to perform a c-section this week rather than risk a natural birth. The problem with this is that a c-section will cost the family about $800, which has to be paid up front. The Meza family not only does not have $800, they only make about $56 a week. My group found it impossible to walk away from this need and wanted to help. We contacted the church that is providing the Mezas with their new home and the pastor came out to meet with the family and group to verify all that was going on. In the end, the group visited various atm's throughout the town, in order to pull together over $1,100. They donated the money to the church so that the church may take care of the Mezas medical expenses and some incidental baby costs. I was blown away. This group accomplished two unbelievable feats. First, they helped provide for a desperate need. Second, they empowered the local church to assist this family, which is exactly what Amor strives to do in its ministry. They also ended up working for this family through a series of circumstances that they considered unfortunate. In the end, we were all glad for these circumstances, as they put this particular group with a big collective heart in the position to help this very serious need.

This miracle is not complete yet. Juanita will have her surgery this week and it is in the hands of God and her doctors to bring mother and baby through healthy. The truth is, we're not even sure that everything is okay with the baby now, we simply know she has a strong heartbeat. It is one of my deepest desires right now that I will be able to visit the Mezas again and find them healthy and happy in their new home. Please be a part of this miracle in action and pray that mother and baby will come through healthy. Thank you.

(Everyone stands proudly in front of the completed home. Oscar and beautiful, pregnant Juanita are in the first row on the right.)

Adelante!

-Clint